Sheila's Snappy Retort
Drew Barrymore is the best of us, and we should all just go watch Ever After right this minute
Never love something on TV, because it will inevitably get cancelled.
-Ancient Eby Proverb
A moment of silence for Santa Clarita Diet.
Santa Clarita Diet was a Netflix comedy about Sheila and Joel Hammond, played by Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant. They are beautiful real estate agents with a beautiful home and a beautiful teenaged daughter living in the beautiful suburbs of beautiful Los Angeles.
Then Sheila becomes a zombie. Sort of? She definitely eats people and her body is definitely decaying and she definitely doesn’t have a heartbeat. But this zombification gives Sheila a new lease on life! She has more energy, purpose, and drive. The cop next door grows curious about the Hammonds’ suspicious activities. Their daughter Abby turns to motorcycles and eco-terrorism. And Sheila’s devoted husband Joel is just trying to keep it all together without cracking up.
As much as I love SCD, it is not for the faint of heart. There’s a lot of blood and dismemberment. When someone gets turned into a zombie, their first symptom is a tonnnnn of barfing. An astounding amount. I find it all pretty cartoonish and therefore not so bad, but your mileage may vary.
Joel and Sheila are one of my top three TV couples.1 These two are in uncharted territory, but they are in it together.2 They’re also great individually! Today’s post is my love letter to Sheila. Tomorrow’s will be my love letter to Joel.
First of all: Drew Barrymore rules. This is a Drew Barrymore stan account. She elevates every movie she is in. She makes every role wonderful. Drew Barrymore is so charming that she makes Adam Sandler an appealing romantic lead. Adam. Sandler. What can’t she do? A British accent? Fair. But even with a bad accent, Ever After is still a 10/10 movie.3 Why? Because Drew! Barrymore! Is! Charming!
Sheila Hammond is one of her best characters. SCD is more slapstick than Drew’s usual, and she’s fun to watch. She also has some great lines, one of which is today’s Perfect Thing.
The Hammonds are fighting in this scene (because couples fight, especially when one is a zombie). And men—even good ones—often suck at apologies. But that will not stand! Not on Sheila’s watch!
This magical stew of a line is made of just the right levels of sincerity, crassness, and condescension. Every time someone drops an “I’m sorry but…” (or the even worse “I’m sorry you feel that way but…”), you can use this line on them. I know because I’ve done it. It feels great, and I’m not sorry about it.
Have a great day!
As of this writing, the other two are Penny and Desmond from LOST and Keeley and Roy from Ted Lasso. And Matthew and Mary from Downton Abbey. I can’t narrow it further than this, and you’re a monster for asking me to.
I just remembered the part where she picks up Henry and carries him over her shoulder. 11/10!!!!