Lucas Lee's Storied Career

Sometimes an eyebrow says it all

Unsurprisingly, a blog by Emily Eby is going to cover Chris Evans.

Surprisingly, today’s Perfect Thing is not his Knives Out sweater, or his flirtation with Lizzo, or even his devotion to his lil dog Dodger.

Today’s Perfect Thing comes from the 2010 movie Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Scott, played by Michael Cera, has to defeat his girlfriend’s seven Evil Exes in order to win her heart. In my opinion, the substance of the movie hasn’t aged well,¹ but the style remains excellent.

Edgar Wright of Scott Pilgrim also directed films like Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and Baby Driver. His movies are packed with details and Easter eggs. Today’s Perfect Thing is a set of Easter eggs from Scott Pilgrim.

One of the Evil Exes whom Scott must defeat is Lucas Lee, played by Chris Evans.

EYEBROWS

Lucas Lee is a film star, though he doesn’t seem to be much of an actor. No matter what role he’s in, his eyebrows are pretty much always cocked like that. How do I know this? Luckily, our good friend Edgar gifted us with five beautiful posters for Lucas Lee’s (fictional) earlier work. These five posters are today’s Perfect Thing(s).

First, Action Doctor.

The best thing about Action Doctor is definitely the tagline: “The good news is… you are going to live. The bad news is he is going to kill you.” I’m never going to watch Grey’s Anatomy,² but I kind of imagine it to be like Action Doctor.

Next, The Game Is Over 2.

Humbly speaking, I’m a genius of sequel names—Dune 2 becomes 2ne, We Bought a Zoo 2 becomes We Bought a Two, Lizzie McGuire Movie 2 becomes 2 Lizzie 2 McGuire—but not even I could come up with The Game Is Over 2.

This poster calls to mind all the sequels that have to bend over backwards to justify their own existence. Die Hard 2? The first one is perfect because he’s just a regular cop who had to save his wife one time! Why would this happen to him again? Home Alone 2? If Kevin McAllister ever experiences one instant of neglect after the events of the first movie, his parents should go directly to prison.³ Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again? Perfect film actually, I have no notes.

Third, Let’s Hope There’s a Heaven.

Surely this one came out of a Nicholas Sparks movie generator. I love the idea of Lucas Lee doing all these balls-to-the-wall action movies and, in between, one touching romance that kills on the festival circuit.

Fourth, Thrilled to Be Here.

We all know that this is referencing Fast and Furious posters, right?⁴ Do we all know that the Fast franchise is perfect and magical and precious to me specifically? Well, now you do.

Last, because it’s my favorite, You Just Don’t Exist.

This movie has a lot going for it. It’s a good premise, which Rian Johnson basically uses for real in Looper. It’s also kind of the movie Cellular, which Chris Evans was actually in. The poster looks great, with the black-white-and-red color scheme. But the best thing about it is the fact that the poster promises that the movie will only be about an hour and a half long.⁵ This is the perfect length for a movie. All movies should be an hour and a half long. If a director wants to make a movie that’s more than 90 minutes long, they should have to petition a board for a Long Movie Permit. They should have to prove why their movie needs to be longer than an hour and a half.

I’ll leave you with a Twitter joke I once made about this last poster. I still think it’s pretty funny.

Emily Eby @emilyebytx

me when somebody tries to be nice to me but I know they’ve been mean to my siblings

Have a great day!

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2. Too afraid that I’ll love it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. Abolish prisons tho

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5. Mike and I call this “a tight 90” because it’s 90 minutes