Hannibal’s Non-Existent Siblings
Hope they get a good hawyer
I have a complicated relationship with Hannibal Lecter. Not, like, a Clarice-Starling-level1 complicated relationship, of course. Complicated nonetheless.
I do not like the movie Silence of the Lambs!2 I know it’s good. I know the performances are good. Jonathan Demme was a king among men. I do not begrudge that film any awards. I watched it once in 2013 and have NEVER once wanted to go back.
However. The TV show Hannibal. Boy howdy.
Hannibal is one of those shows that I’ve watched thrice and love very much and NEVER recommend to anyone, because the act of recommending it would make me seem like a perverse maniac. Hannibal ran for three seasons on NBC, but somehow they smuggled in an HBO amount of violence and at least an AMC amount of sex. That said: it is SO good. Hannibal was created by Bryan Fuller, who also did Pushing Daisies (which I DO recommend unreservedly). It stars Hugh Dancy3 as FBI guy Will Graham and Mads Mikkelsen4 as Hannibal Lecter.
I become neither hot nor bothered while watching Anthony Hopkins’s Hannibal, but Mads… I don’t know what it is about that guy! He’s magnetic! He’s morally ambiguous! He’s sexy! He designed the Death Star, but he didn’t want to! I love him so much!5 I’ll probably do another post about how Mads knows that Hannibal and Will are in love with each other, because it is truly a Perfect Thing. For now, it is love of Mads Mikkelsen’s Hannibal that allows me to bring you today’s Perfect Thing: this random tweet.
Bonus: If I’m casting a Lecter Family Holiday Special, here’s who I’m throwing in:
Obviously Mads is Hannibal
Femme Fatale Extraordinaire Kathleen Turner as Hannibal’s mother, Hurderer Lecter (she killed Hannibal’s father of course, played in flashback by Mark Rylance, and I’m gonna call him… Horgery Lecter, the bane of museums worldwide)
Dave Bautista as Hannibal’s criminal mastermind half-brother Harmed Hobber Lecter (Hurderer’s son from her first marriage)
Negroni Sbagliato Enthusiast Emma Darcy as Hannibal’s nefariously sexy white collar sibling, Hembezzler Lecter
King Daniel Kaluuya as Hannibal’s adopted brother Hax Evader Lecter, wearing a tailored pinstriped suit that makes pinstriped suits come back in a big way
Barry Keoghan as Hannibal’s kid brother Hrand Hheft Hauto Person
“Clarice Starling” is lowkey one of the silliest names in all of fiction. “Hi, I’m Agent FemmePolice SmallBird” okay girl whatever
It was one of the few grown-up VHSes that my parents had in our house (where “secular” media was largely not allowed). My grandmother, a Methodist pastor’s wife, purchased it as a gift for our family because she thought it was about the silence of Jesus, the lamb of God, on the cross.
Hugh Dancy, who you probably know as the only correct thing about the Ella Enchanted movie because we’re all strict Ella Enchanted textualists here, right?
Mads Mikkelsen, who you probably know as the Bad Guy from Casino Royale, but he does NOT know you because he is “simply not online”
Shop SuperYaki for all your Mads Merch needs