Hugh's Understage Bow
Ask not what Fancy can do for Hugh; ask what Hugh can do for Fancy
Note: yesterday’s post didn’t publish correctly? It’s now complete, and you can read it here.
We must let Hugh Jackman be Fancy.
Lemme ‘splain.1 Our society has decided that there are only two ways Hugh Jackman can be. He can be Dirty:
Or he can be Fancy:
Dirty Hugh is sad. He is frowny. He gets shot. He steals candlesticks and loaves of bread and kangaroos.2 All the walls around him also have dirt on them. Think of this Hugh Jackman as Pigpen from Peanuts.3
But Fancy Hugh? Fancy Hugh sings happy songs! He dances! He makes sweeping gestures with his hands! He wears suspenders or a top hat or a shiny waistcoat! Even in a very serious movie like The Prestige, Fancy Hugh is a showman. You might even call him4 the GREATEST Showman.
You can sort almost everything in Hugh Jackman’s filmography into Dirty or Fancy. Even projects that seem like outliers fit the pattern. In Van Helsing, Hugh is the Dirtiest Fancyman in the land. In Oklahoma, he’s the Fanciest Dirtyman in the land.
Crucially, the Dirty/Fancy Binary has nothing to do with his sexuality. I don’t mean Dirty like “😏 dirty 😏”; I mean covered in literal dirt. I don’t mean Fancy like “💅 fancy 💅”; I mean dressed in the cleanest, shiniest attire.5 It’s so unnecessary to speculate about someone else’s sexuality. That’s their business! If it’s something other than what they told you it is, you’ll find out if/when you’re supposed to find out. So this post is obviously not about Hugh Jackman’s sexuality. It’s about his presentation.
Jackman has made a crazy amount of money while covered in dirt. As Wolverine alone, Hugh has grossed a total of $4.2 billion in worldwide ticket sales. So he should just be Dirty, right?
Wrong! Because his fanciest movie is 2017’s The Greatest Showman.6 That movie is chock full of shiny flowing fabric7 and sweeping arm movements8 and emotional musical numbers.9 It also had one of the craziest box office journeys ever.10
For big movies, the most profitable weekend is almost always the first weekend they’re in theaters. That’s why you always hear about the opening weekend of a Marvel movie or a James Bond. But Greatest Showman made 76% more in its second weekend than it did in its first! It didn’t have a weekend below $1 million until its 14th week in theaters, which is mad impressive for a musical. Greatest Showman ended up making about $435 million worldwide, roughly the same11 as beloved franchise movies like Mummy Returns, Thor 1, Men in Black II, Shang-Chi, and Die Another Day. It’s also more than X2: X-Men United made, and just a hair less than X-Men 3: The Last Stand, both of which dipped below $1 million in only 7-9 weeks.
This is unequivocal proof that the world wants to see Fancy Hugh, and they want to see it about the same amount as Dirty Hugh, and they want to see it for more weeks in a row than Dirty Hugh.
So we must let him be Fancy!!! He’s good at it AND it makes good business sense.
Today, I’m talking about one of his best Fancy moves: bowing under the stage.
Christopher Nolan’s 2006 period piece/mystery The Prestige is a good movie. It stars Fancy Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale as two12 rival magicians in the late 1800s. Bale is the better magician, but Hugh’s presentation is way better. He’s a showman!
At one point in the Magician Arms Race, Hugh has to hire a double to make his big trick work. This means that the real Magician Hugh must receive his applause under the stage as his doppelgänger gets all the glory above. It’s one of my favorite character moments in any film.
So when I went to see Greatest Showman, I was thrilled to see how it began…
with Hugh Jackman, bowing under a stage!!!!
Of course, he’s technically under the risers, not a stage, because it’s the circus. And he’s more dancing than he is bowing. I don’t care. It still counts.
I hope you enjoyed today’s rambling One Perfect Thing. I don’t remember how to be concise.
I assume that’s the plot of Baz Luhrmann’s Australia, I haven’t seen it
I have to do it
Hugh Jackman is married to a woman and he likes to wear a shiny waistcoat. Those things are not in conflict with each other. Presentation does not equal sexuality.
I always call this movie “Circus Musical” because of Kendra James on Twitter
Second only to My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which kicked ass at the box office for like a full year? You should read about it here.
unadjusted for inflation
ish